Self Imposed Friendship Responsibility

Welcome to a New Series of posts I am branding as EVOLution. Evolving in love.

I woke up this morning with a renewed sense of freedom. A weight had been lifted. I have shared before that we as humans have a tendency to talk ourselves into relationships and that includes friendships. Once there we self-impose responsibilities for those people. We take responsibility for maintaining the friend/relationship even if it is not a healthy one. We tell ourselves, “Oh that is just him/her.” We overlook behaviors like selfishness or neediness and allow them to treat us in ways that don’t quite settle right in our spirit.

Well, I use the quote by Maya Angelou,  “When people show you who they are believe them.” Someone I had known for around 15 years showed up in a hostile way the other day and insulted me. I was shocked and thrown for a loop because this came out of nowhere over a silly statement. Something that happened years prior that to me is totally irrelevant and does nothing to bring any credibility or assets to either of our lives.

Although they know my character and morals, they overstepped a boundary that I set for my emotional and mental health. Since I no longer tolerate abuse, After the insult, I hung up. Later when I had calmed down, I decided it is not a friend/relationship I am willing to tolerate any longer. And my spirit was instantly lifted.

While on LinkedIn, I read a quote by Nina Simone, “You’ve got to learn to leave the table when love is no longer being served.” Well, I left the table and my soul was satisfied. No longer will I overlook microaggressions, or subtle comments that are hurtful. Someone who comes across as sweet yet their words or actions leave little cuts can leave damage. That damage can bleed over into other friends/relationships. We must guard our energy, hearts, emotions, and minds against people who operate in this way.

One tip in doing so is to look at prior relationships they have had. Most will display a running theme. If they have a habit of losing friendships or frequently butting heads with others, examine those experiences and see if can find the common denominator. There are three sides to every incident; his version, her version, and the truth. Don’t be blind to the truth by one or the other’s version of what took place. Observe the behavior and determine if it is something you are tolerating. We all have quirks but if your friend/relationship is not mutually loving, caring, respectful, and honest, then maybe it is time to leave the table.