Effects of Fatherlessness

What are the lasting effects of sexual violence? In this episode of #ResilientLivingTV Dr, Kat Smith interviews Rick Amitin, author of “If Only I Had a Dad” as he discusses the three main effects and how lives are changed forever. See below for tips on re-parenting.


How does one go about reparenting themselves? It is a way in which I was able to relive the developmental years of my life all over again and again the love and intimacy that was lost due to the abuse and neglect I experienced.

What are parents supposed to provide for a child aside from food, shelter, and clothing?

A safe loving environment for them to develop and grow into a healthy and caring individual adult.

What were your parents like? Affectionate to each other. Argumentative, abusive, distant, strict,

Because intimacy begins at infancy, a child is picking up all sorts of examples and cues about how to behave from their environment. So if your parents argued all the time, guess what you may have a tendency to do the same as an adult because it is not only considered normal, it would seem abnormal not to.

If you went into your teen years without the affection and care that most children receive you are more likely to not feel comfortable when touched or hugged.

If you had to step up and take on adult responsibilities during your childhood, then you missed out on being a kid and may need to relive those years to fill the missing pieces that make you whole.

I had to rebuild many facets of myself:

  • womanhood
  • femininity
  • sexuality
  • relating
  • trusting
  • giving and receiving love
  • self-worth/image

I learned to love me and to give the one person closest to my heart all the love and care she needed to be healed and happy. That’s me. I had to reparent and provide for myself all that was not provided to me as a child – love, protection, care, nurturing support, encouragement, trust, respect, and more.

Once I felt I had gained all that made me whole, I was then able to give to and receive from others – love, friendship, trust, respect, honesty, inspiration.

I love the woman I have become because she has known me the longest and has kept all my secrets and motivated me to achieve my dreams.  Like the songs says – 

Everybody’s searching for a hero, people need someone to look up to. I never found anyone to fulfill my needs. A lonely place to be and so I learned o depend on me. 

And she gave me all the love I needed. 

So here are some tips to help you reparent:

  • Be kind to yourself – Treat yourself good and pamper when you can. You deserve the attention. Go to the spa or have that desert or new pair of shoes.
  • Love yourself – Tell yourself how loved and lovable you are. Open up to receive love and not block it off from those who are willing to express it towards you. Love is an energy that must flow to and from. Don’t block the blessings awaiting you.
  • Encourage and self motivate – shut off the negative internal dialogue and tell yourself you can and you will. You can accomplish your heart’s desires, you deserve to be loved and you are enough.

So learn to re-parent yourself and become your best friend, confidant, caregiver, and soul mate as you learn to develop into the emotionally rich and most loving person you can be.