Loving Through Racial Unrest


There are many challenges relationships face on a daily basis – lack of intimacy, poor communication, grief, financial crisis, and more. How we handle challenges creates resilience, understanding, and a deeper bond. ON top of what is happening in America, interracial couples have to step back and soul search for understanding and collaboration to maintain the love they have built together to stay strong.

In these next few minutes, I will give you a few tips to help you navigate your emotions and mental state while enduring these changing times.

Many of us hear a relenting dialogue that replays a loop of dread and despair in our minds. We have watched it all play out on television and we are in distress. Others have the ability to stay positive and see the sunshine and rainbows of tomorrow’s promise. Why? because they have taken to heart 3 simple tips:

Accept that Change is inevitable. The world is constantly evolving. And in the encouraging words of a dying Doc Holiday in the movie Tombstone when he advised Wyatt about love, he said “there is no normal, there is just life. Now go and live it. Grab that actress and live Wyatt, live for me.”

We can’t choose who we love but we can embrace the changes that we are experiencing and see the beauty in the opportunity for growth. If you accept these thoughts you will be more at peace with the chaos around you.

I am married and it’s interracial. We have discussed what’s going on and Mr. George Floyd’s death and politics, but what remains at the center of it all is respect and the love we share. We can have an open dialogue about how he feels and his thoughts about actions and anger expressed on TV and then I take a turn but our goal is to understand how we think and see things so that we have clarity. 

Settle your mind – Our emotional and mental state can get turned upside down in a situation that hits us out of the blue. However, you can take the wheel after the initial awareness. Steering your focus to more pleasant and inspiring thoughts and activities instead of ones that lead you down a dark and gloomy pit of despair. Asking yourself the question – What now? It gives you a moment to consider the next steps and a glimpse into your future after this event.

Worry and fear will ring misunderstanding. We have all been cooped up in our homes due to the pandemic and now we are forced to examine our views on race. It can be overwhelming but there is clarity in all this. One way to get clarity and settle your mind is to communicate. Ask about how your partner feels about the racial unrest and their views on various aspects. I know its like talking politics, but be fair in your back and forth and allow them the space to discuss their feelings and views and vise versa. Put your love for each other first and have an open mind to see perspectives from both sides.

Reset your emotional state – We process experiences differently. Some experience sadness and for others, anger. But it should not stop us from moving past these feelings and back to enjoying laughter and fun times with those we love and others. Resetting your emotional state is one way to step back and examine the feelings you are experiencing at any given time to see just how we are processing them. What sparked the anger? Sadness?  Is at its core something that has been lingering? If we take a moment and realize it was the tone of voice that seemed accusatory or that you are just having a bad day, you can remove yourself from a meltdown and recover to shift into a happier you. I know for me it is better that I get it out. Much like a song that is stuck in your mind. Sing it completely and then it ends the looping in our head. If you feel sad, don’t ignore it, have a good cry or talk with someone who will let you express your anger without interruption and they will serve as a sounding board for you to get it out and maybe even work out why you were angry or sad and resolve it for the future.

There is no 123, ABC through all this, but if we take steps towards understanding and love we can get through it all in a better place.